I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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