okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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