I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But break dance skills will only take you so far
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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