She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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