its not stalking. its research.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
