No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
