Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
