he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
