i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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