There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
