I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
