So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
