is your mom at the bar?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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