it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
