I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Randomize
