Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
