Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
