Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
