Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
