in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
