i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
