At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
