she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
