I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
