Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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