Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
