i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
and you fell through a lawn chair
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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