i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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