does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
