Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
