oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
