the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
