Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
