Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
