Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
