even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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