That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
