; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
