I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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