Someone shit on the floor
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
