Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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