I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
