I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
