I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize