We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
