think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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