im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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