So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
