I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
