I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
