If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize