Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
