Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
