my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
