This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
