dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
