yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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