Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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