i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Houston, we have a blender
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
