I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
