you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize