Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
