Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
