ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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