i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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