My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
