also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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