Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
