I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
