i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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