my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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