I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
