You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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