so that wasnt chicken after all
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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