is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
