My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
that's an acceptable place to lick
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
