my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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