I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
