i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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