hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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