i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
