What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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