Dual....:-)
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
