No stitches, just platelets and will power
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
