hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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