He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
