By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
