I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
