he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I AM VODKA MAN
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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