We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
