What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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