I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
