Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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