you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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