No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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