At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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