Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
