so explain again why im purple
no
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
