the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
