you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
