You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
