I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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