Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
