oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
