sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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