Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
